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:iconsuccesswithhonor: More from successwithhonor


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May 15, 2014
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in the next life you were a phoenix
a fiery resurrection
songbird of ash & second chances

when you flew south for the winter,
you made it every time

see for you, the universe was an olympic mountain
jutting out of the ocean, a temple you would never set foot in
an elaborate maze you'd been lost in for too long;

the only love you'd ever known was from the coalfire
of your father's hands in the dark, they were the most angelic
monsters, they were beacons
his mind was the gears of a clock that never stopped spinning

but the light,
the light was a promise to be seen
the fire, a dancing enchanter that never leaves
the future was an echo on the labyrinth walls:

prince, dream of dove and swift and nebulae,
dream like the lone at night for the warmth of day

you were a golden child, waiting to be found in the darkness

the earth is too flat;
you said you'd go up,
thought you'd be a little closer to the gods

your downed shoulders caught wind of the whisper in the air
—the ground is no place for us with wings

.

tell me, was it worth it?

how did the clouds feel as they brushed like a kiss by your cheek?

tell me of the warmth you were looking for,
the sky can be a lonely place too sometimes

tell me, what did heaven taste like?

did you ever look back?
did you ever look back?

you were just as much a sacrifice as the rest of them
death is the most unforgiving of second chances

or maybe it was all a dream,
you woke on the shore with a mouthful of feathers & hands of ash

or maybe you choked on the weight of the world
when you swallowed it whole like the sea
this took forever to write, as i scrapped more than i usually do

but anywho, voilla!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-05-17
to icarus is  successwithhonor's curious take on the familiar legend. ( Featured by wreckling )
:iconicarus-ica:
icarus-ica Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014
cool ... :thumbsup:
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:iconripplingwaves:
Ripplingwaves Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014
Heartbreakingly magical
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:iconsomebodi-else:
somebodi-else Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That was ridiculously powerful, and it resonated with me. I love the tale of Icarus, and all of the little paths one can take when interpreting it.
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:iconteentitans4ever:
TeenTitans4EVER Featured By Owner May 28, 2014
The title and the first three lines drew me in instantly. The rest of the poem was just as beautiful. Loved it. 
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:iconmeggie272:
Meggie272 Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I am absolutely loving the imagery in this. Icarus tales always get me. 
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:iconshippuden23:
Shippuden23 Featured By Owner May 17, 2014
This was very beautiful.
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:iconacnero:
acnero Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
this could be one of the guides to life. I found a lot of questions and answers to my own life in this piece of text, so I salute and admire you. have a great flight.
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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconyukisnowfallsgently:
YukiSnowFallsGently Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Those last two lines. THOSE LAST TWO LINES. Absolutely amazing!
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:iconsorrowscoldfrost:
Sorrowscoldfrost Featured By Owner May 17, 2014
Is Icarus that kid from Greek mythology who flew too close to the sun?
Reply
:iconsuccesswithhonor:
successwithhonor Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student Writer
he's the one!
Reply
:icononyx1303:
Onyx1303 Featured By Owner May 17, 2014
YOU GIVE LIFE TO WORDS   Clap Clap Clap Clap 
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:iconjaniceduke:
JaniceDuke Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Professional General Artist
Beautiful words :heart: I've often thought of him as phoenix-like.
You might like my take on Daedalus and Icarus here: Daedelus by JaniceDuke

Congrats on the DD :party:
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:icongryffgirl:
Gryffgirl Featured By Owner May 17, 2014
Beautiful imagery.  Congratulations on your DD! :clap:
Reply
:iconrockettreverie:
rockettreverie Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student Filmographer
This is so beautiful! :iconlainloveplz: Congrats on the DD!
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:iconknownrecidivist:
knownrecidivist Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful. Just... beautiful.
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:iconfeathery-blue-otaku:
feathery-blue-otaku Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
wow!!!!!!!!
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:icondenisecroy:
DeniseCroy Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for this. 
Reply
:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student Writer
the imagery in this is priceless: 

you were just as much a sacrifice as the rest of them

death is the most unforgiving of second chances

or maybe it was all a dream,
you woke on the shore with a mouthful of feathers & hands of ash

or maybe you choked on the weight of the world
when you swallowed it whole like the sea

however, i think this would benefit from even more scrapping. it seems like you have all these great things you want to say but you're not too sure how to combine them all seamlessly, so this is frenzied and choppy. if every single word does not have a direct purpose, delete it even if you're in love with it. this poem could be 3/4 of its length right now and do an even better job of conveying something. i like that you didn't do something super cliche, by the way; it really works in your favor. also, structurally, this would benefit from some reworking. i found myself having to re-read half the lines because the breaks are so awkward. i get that you're trying to make the whole thing comprised of couplets, but that's not always the best option. with the way this poem moves, it would probably be better to have more coherent line breaks. 
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:iconsuccesswithhonor:
successwithhonor Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student Writer
for the record, this meant to be rather "frenzied and choppy", as i want it to reflect the oscillation between a childlike and intelligent voice.  more than anything, it's meant to be spoken, so i didn't pay much regard to their structure on the page— i agree entirely with you, and tried to make the stanzas a little more coherent.

as for the extra words, perhaps i just like the way those seemingly unnecessary words form a sort of melodic bridge off your tongue, rather than being constrained to the morse-codey "say little, speak lots" paradigm.  i've always been a rather wordy writer, and i think that's because i really try to qualify that experience in anything, everything, in a direct but also very intricate way. i really like the sound of this out loud, and i suppose i'll have to record something for you peeps.

anyways, thank you so much for the critique; i always get frustrated with how shy people are to express their opinion about the expression of others' :heart: :rose:
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:iconlearningtobefree:
learningtobefree Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student Writer
ahhh i totally get what you mean about being a wordy writer and qualifying the experience, i've been doing that since day 1. 
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Haha! Congrats on your DD. :) I've suggested lots of your stuff. Glad to see something finally featured! :la: 
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:iconmyrikay:
Myrikay Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh. Oh, I love this. I love every bit of this. I want to favorite it a hundred times...
I read the comments. Don't get me wrong I love the ending here, but what did you have before? Just for curiosity's sake? 
LiliWrites is right, I expected something that directly pertains to flying too close to the sun, or the melting wax, but you allude to it subtly. 

I love this. Absolutely. 
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:iconsuccesswithhonor:
successwithhonor Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Student Writer
it said "if only you never strayed too near the sun"

that line and parts of this are from a character study i did for class about a year ago; i suppose some things just need to be revived
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:iconmyrikay:
Myrikay Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Student General Artist
Ah. Yes, I like "swallowed it whole like the sea" better.

I really love this piece, I don't think any more revisions are necessary!

Thank you for sharing!
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner May 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love it when your writing shows up in my inbox. I've read tons, I mean tons, of poems about Icarus and Daedalus. I like that your interpretation rehashes some old themes, but brings in interesting flavors of its own as well. :D Good job! 

My only note of critique would be that the last line just falls kind of flat. I feel like ending on "when you swallowed it whole like the sea" is much stronger because the reader anticipates that cliche about straying too near the sun. If you remove it, you kind of leave us hanging, which gives us time to ponder all the other images and themes you've introduced instead of closing the old story on the old line...if that makes sense. Just my two cents! :)
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:iconsuccesswithhonor:
successwithhonor Featured By Owner May 15, 2014  Student Writer
oooooh, i like that.

i wasn't sure either, i just figured i'd try it out and i could always go back and change it. things have a peculiar way of sorting themselves out :heart:
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
They surely do. :) 
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